The Last Five Years
by Goddess Isa
Summary: Veronica Mars left Neptune and everything she loved behind. Nine years later, a fluke evening changes everything.
1. Prologue

/And all the roads that lead you there are winding

And all the lights that light the way are blinding

There are many things that I

Would like to say to you but I don't know how

I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me

And after all, you're my wonderwall\\\

-Oasis, "Wonderwall"

Veronica turned off the music coming from her phone after shooing everyone out of the lounge. She needed a few minutes to herself, to process what was happening, what was going to happen.

So much had led to this day, so much build up, so many fights and makeups and laughs and kisses and nights spent rolling around their bed.

It wasn't that she was really nervous or didn't want to go through with it-she absolutely did. It's just that now that it was here, and nothing had ruined it, she was terrified that something still would.

She'd been worrying about it for weeks, and even though everyone told that she was crazy, that everything was fine, she wasn't sure about that. She had this nagging feeling that something was going to ruin her plans, their plans.

Things had been going too well for too long, and she'd lived long enough to know that happiness wasn't something she ever got to count on.

Looking at her wedding dress hanging there, the Louboutin shoes that she'd been secretly thrilled to splurge on, and the gorgeous engagement ring on her finger, she thought about everything that had gone on over the last five years and how she'd gotten here in the first place.

She felt a slight urge to run, and when she realized it she started laughing hysterically. The soup can-sized curlers in her hair bounced against her head as she laughed. She grabbed her phone, snapped a selfie and sent it to her intended, telling him "This is what I look like when I realize the thought to run occured to me. I haven't thought about running in five years. What have you done to me?"

"Am I allowed to see you before the ceremony or does the whole bad-luck-you-don't-believe-in-anyway thing apply here?" was his reply.

"It's my head, I think you're safe."

"In that case I'll look at it."

"You haven't looked at it?"

"Okay, okay, I'll look," he replied, and then a minute later, added. "With those curlers, you remind me of my Aunt Irene."

"Is she the one who wore curlers to the shower?"

"Complete with a babushka tied over them. One of a kind, that one."

Veronica laughed. "I'll see you at the altar."

"Don't bring the curlers," he warned.

"No promises," she put her phone down and opened the door, telling her bridal party it was safe to come back in.

"How many times did you call him?" Mac asked.

"No calls, just a few texts."

"Cold feet?" Wallace asked.

Veronica grabbed an unused roller off the vanity and threw it at him. "Not here. I'm not really nervous about the ceremony either I just…."

Wallace's phone rung and he silenced it. "Go on."

"Who was that?" The PI in her knew there was something on his face.

"Same hang up you got when we were in the hall?" Mac asked.

Veronica gave him a side eye. "What gives, Fennel?"

"It's nothing."

Mac and Veronica exchanged a Look.

"Don't bother trying to hide anything from her," Mac warned him. "Especially not today."

Wallace sighed as his phone rang again.

"Who's calling you?" Veronica demanded.

Wallace looked from Veronica to Mac and back. "It's Piz."

Veronica fell onto the vanity stool, laughing hysterically. "Is…..he trying…...to…..stop my…..wedding?" She asked between laughs.

"He thinks you're being blinded by the money." Wallace shrugged.

"Text him back and tell him it's not Christian Grey's money, it's the REDROOMOFPAIN!" She laughed so hard the words all ran together and sounded squeaky.

"I'm just ignoring him," Wallace said. "Seems the best option."

Someone knocked on the door and Mac called out, "Who is it?"

"Me," Keith responded.

"Come in," Veronica said.

"Um, Veronica, there's someone here who's insisting on talking to you before the wedding."

Veronica tightened her robe around her and stood up, ready for battle. "I should've brought my gun."

"Your gun?" Keith asked incredulously. "Veronica-"

"We should've hired security," Mac said quietly.

"Don't you start, too," Veronica said. She turned to Wallace. "Give me something to hit Piz with!"

"Piz is here?" Keith asked.

Veronica put the curling iron she was about to brandish as a weapon down. "Isn't he?"

"It's not Piz that wants to talk to you before the ceremony. It's your mother."

Veronica let out a stream of curse words that made both her dad and Wallace wince. There was the dropped shoe, the final straw, the thing that threatened to ruin her happy day.

What the fuck was her mother doing here?

She threw open the door to the bridal lounge and found her mother standing there, looking terrified.

"Oh, Veronica," her eyes softened at the sight of her only daughter. "You already look beautiful and you're not even dressed." Lianne's eyes filled with tears and she reached to hug Veronica but she pulled back, her hands raised like a shield.

"Don't. Why are you here?"

Lianne took a deep breath. "Your groom called me."

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

*Thought I was gonna give stuff away in this chapter, didn't you? Keep reading :)*

**I'll list all the songs used/referenced at the end of the story!**


	2. Chapter One

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

I had NO idea when I started this fic that it was gonna turn into this. I mean NONE. I started writing it after hearing the song from which this story got its original title while waiting in line in a store. I'd heard it before, yes, but only in my #burntmarshmallow haze did I realize just how relevant it could be for Logan and Veronica. I thought this would be three, four pages tops and all of a sudden it was forty pages with no signs of slowing down. As I publish the first few chapters, I'm just over 100 pages! Crazy! The entire tone of the story has changed but I'm really loving it. Thanks in advance for reading!

**More notes at the end of the chapter**

* * *

/I know I left too much mess and

Destruction to come back again

And I caused nothing but trouble

I understand if you can't talk to me again\\\

-"White Flag" - Dido

May 7th, 2016

"I don't know why I let you drag me to this damned thing," Veronica looked around The '09er Club, unsure if she was more annoyed that their reunion was being held here, or that she was attending it at all.

She hadn't planned to. Staying as far away from all things Neptune High-aside from Wallace and Mac-had been her MO for years now. But Mac was recently dumped and wanted Veronica to go with her as her wingwoman. Mac thought she might nab a good rebound bang if she had someone talking her up.

"I'm your best friend,' Mac reminded her. "And I'm hurting and horny and you're going to help me find someone hot to go home with, and then you can leave."

Veronica practically already had an Uber waiting to take her back to her dad's. If she got out of there early enough, she could maybe change her flight back for the next evening instead of Monday. She was grateful to see him, but she had a job interview this coming week and she was eager to get back to New York and prepare for it.

She'd been back in her hometown just two days, having spent the first with Mac, driving her home after too many shots and then holding her hair back while she puked. Then yesterday she'd spent the whole day with her dad. It was nice to see him in person without the requirements of birthdays or holidays filling all their time. She enjoyed just talking and cooking with him like she was still a kid.

And now she was in Hell. Inside the club she saw Dick Casablancas doing body shots off a girl she didn't recognize at the bar. The sight of Dick sent a shiver up Veronica's back. Dick had been part of a "dynamic duo", and where there was Dick, there was usually-

"Logan Echolls!" a girl Veronica remembered from pep squad-Paige maybe?-nearly mowed her and Mac down to get to Logan. He was standing on the outskirts of the dance floor, holding a beer and looking way better than Veronica wanted to let herself admit.

Mac had insisted she'd hacked the reunion website, and that he hadn't RSVP'd, but there he was, making Veronica's skin crawl and tingle simultaneously.

They hadn't seen each other in nine years. Not since he'd shown up at Stanford one night, drunk, miserable, begging her to take him back. She'd slammed her dorm room door in his face and called Security to escort him out.

"To be fair," Mac said, "You're here and you didn't RSVP, either."

"Here against my will," Veronica corrected.

"Hos before bros," Mac reminded her, laughing.

"How many drinks did you have before we left?' Veronica eyed her suspiciously.

"I'm just still buzzed from the other night and-ooooh, Maroon 5!" Mac took off for the bar or the dance floor, Veronica didn't know which, singing along with "This Love" as she went.

"Traitor," she mumbled to her back. Veronica was trying to decide her next move-take off, hide in the coat room, text Wallace that she had the stomach flu and wouldn't see him here after all-when all of a sudden he was right in front of her.

Logan looked her up and down in a way that still made her uncomfortable. It was like he could see through all the bullshit to the real her, and that always made her defensive. "Veronica. I didn't think you'd come."

"I wasn't going to. Mac brought me."

He pretended to glance around. "Where is Mac?"

She glanced around him and made a face. "Ugh, I think she's flirting with Justin Smith."

"She and Everett broke up recently, huh?" Logan asked and Veronica must've looked shocked because he added, "I talk to him sometimes. He lives in my neighborhood."

Veronica wasn't sure what to say so she said nothing. She wanted an out but didn't know how to get one. How do you tell someone that you'd like to punch them as much as you'd like to jump their bones? Or maybe punch them and _then_ jump their bones?

"Is this the first time you've seen the club?" Logan asked.

Veronica thought it should be illegal to look that good in jeans and a grey button-up shirt. "First and last. Why?"

"I'm one of the investors," he put his hands in his pockets. "It does really well."

"You're an investor now? I thought you were a Military pilot."

"Possibly a Naval Flight Instructor, if I pass the exam," he corrected her. "How's corporate law?"

Veronica got a lot of her info on Logan through Mac, and never questioned where she obtained it. She never asked about him, but Mac would randomly offer up information, apparently obtained via Everett. She wondered who Logan's pipeline into her life was. She couldn't imagine Mac's boyfriend feeding Logan gossip, especially since she hadn't known him that well.

"Actually I haven't started practicing it yet. I'm still looking for a job."

"I would've pictured you more as a pro bono lawyer. Or maybe child advocacy."

The music grew louder as the song changed. Veronica didn't know if Gwen Stefani actually sang louder than Adam Levine or if it was just an overexcited DJ.

"Working with kids is too depressing," she shook her head. "Not for me."

"It's quieter upstairs," Logan said. "There's a bar up there that's less crowded, and a bunch of finger foods. Wanna check it out?"

She wanted to say no. She wanted to turn around and get an Uber and pretend that she'd never walked through the club's door in the first place.

She also wanted to stay anywhere that would keep her in the same vicinity as Logan. Just having this conversation with him was more exciting to her than any date she'd been on in years.

"Are there mozzarella sticks?" she finally asked him.

"If there aren't, we'll order some."

As they walked towards the stairs, Veronica peeked at Mac and saw that it definitely was Justin Smith she was dancing with, except what they were doing now was more of a grinding-slash-twerking than dancing. She was glad to get them out of her line of sight.

"Not a lot of people come up here," Logan said as they settled on two velvet chairs across from each other. They'd stopped by the buffet on their way and sure enough, there were mozzarella sticks. Veronica bit one in half and found herself staring at Logan. She didn't mean to, and she knew he had to have noticed, but he stayed cool as a cucumber. In between bites of chicken wings and potato skins, he filled her in on investing in the club, trying to get a permanent Naval position near Neptune, and buying a house.

"You have a house?" Veronica didn't mean to blurt it out like that but it just happened. God, what was with her tonight? It was like she'd lost all her faculties and was one giggle away from being sixteen again.

Except that when she was sixteen, she wasn't in love with him. Life was so much easier then.

The music changed again to Natasha Bedingfield, and Veronica wondered if Logan was remembering the same thing she was. The night in the backseat of her car, while this song played, and they would've-

"Remember this song?" Logan asked her softly.

Oh, how badly she wanted to lie. Veronica _willed_ herself to lie.

"How could I forget?" is what she said to him.

He grinned at her. "That was a great night."

Veronica bit her lip and glanced away from him. It was getting too hot up there. She felt suffocated and-her phone buzzed just in time, saving her from herself.

"Wallace," she gave her phone a little turn around to show Logan. "He's downstairs."

"Do you wanna go back down?"

No. No, no, no, no, no.

"Um, maybe," Veronica said. "I told him I'd meet him here. He wants to introduce me to his fiancee."

"Shae's great, you'll like her a lot. She's a lawyer too." Logan had said it before he realized and now Veronica was giving him the stink eye.

"How do you know her?" Veronica demanded. "Are you and Wallace…._friends_?"

"You say it like it's a bad thing," Logan stole a mozzarella stick off Veronica's plate. "We got pretty close over the years."

Well, there was Logan's informant. Veronica wondered how this had gone on without Wallace ever saying a word to her. He never, ever mentioned Logan to her. Some best friend.

"Is that why you haven't really asked me anything about the last nine years?" she demanded. "Because you already know?"

Logan shrugged. "Maybe, I guess."

Great. Just great. Veronica wondered how much Wallace had told him. Did he know she nearly missed her bar exam because she was helping a girl in her class catch her husband cheating on her?

Did he know that she never let herself get serious with anyone, not because she didn't want to be tied down, but because they weren't him?

Did he know that she'd named the stray cat she'd adopted Bob, because it made her think of Logan everytime she called him "Bobcat"?

She stood up, because Wallace was waiting. She told Logan as much. As they approached the stairs, his hand brushed over hers, barely, and he leaned down to whisper in her ear as the song changed yet again.

"We fooled around to this one, too," he whispered. His lips almost touched her. Almost.

Veronica completely ignored him and ignored Hoobastank and surveyed the crowd for Wallace. She found him standing near the dance floor with a pretty woman she assumed was Shae.

She hugged Wallace, shook Shae's hand, and was surprised to see that Logan fist bumped Walace and gave Shae not only a hug but a peck on the cheek.

What planet had she landed on two days ago?

The club was becoming suffocating. Or maybe it was just the proximity to Logan that was suffocating. Either way, Veronica needed an out.

"I'm just gonna get a drink," she told them, pointing to the bar. She thought that the space would give her time to clear her head, to get the mental images of Logan's half naked body pressed up against hers while this song was playing out of her short-term memory. She thought distance from Logan would make her start thinking rationally.

"Think again," she muttered to herself when Logan turned up next to her.

"Lilah, can I get another?" he waved to the bartender. She nodded at him instantly and Veronica decided that being an investor earned him crowd-cutting privileges. She wasn't sure how she felt about that.

Logan nudged her shoulder. "What do you want?"

Veronica was instantly sure how she felt about it. Crowd-cutting worked for her. "Vodka," she answered. In a vat. Somewhere else.

Why had she come tonight again?

Oh that's right, Mac. Who was still on the dance floor with Justin, shaking it to Panic! At the Disco.

Veronica had to stop daydreaming when Logan handed her her drink. She took it from him and downed it quickly.

"Thirsty?" he smirked.

"The onion rings upstairs were salty," she leaned on the bar and gave him a onceover. "So you're besties with Wallace now, and you own a bar-"

"Invested in a bar," he corrected. "Owners make decisions, I just cash checks."

Veronica couldn't help laughing at that. Some things didn't change.

The music cut off then and the DJ started talking about their graduating class, how exciting was it to be at their ten year reunion _already_?!

Veronica accepted the new drink Logan offered her and sipped this one, rolling her eyes at the DJ's announcement that they were going to talk about some of the success stories from their graduating class. Just what Veronica was looking forward to.

She turned to Logan and saw his hand dance towards hers on the bar but then he pulled it back. "Wanna come with me, get some air?"

Why was he always asking her to go places with him tonight?

Why wasn't he asking her to go back to his place?

_WHY_ was that what she was thinking about?!

Veronica needed to tell him NO, that she was going back to Wallace and Shae, they must be wondering where she was.

She needed to tell him that she should check on Mac before she went home with Justin.

Instead she said, "Okay," and followed him out. She noticed Wallace watching her, and flipped him off as she passed him. He responded by grinning.

/I'm holdin' on a rope

Got me ten feet off the ground

I'm hearing what you say

But I just can't make a sound\\\

The parking lot was less crowded than it had been an hour ago, everyone inside now, drinking and dancing. Instead of hearing the DJ wax poetic, she could hear music from the restaurant on the other side of the parking lot. OneRepublic changed to a Taylor Swift song and Veronica groaned. Maybe they should've stayed inside.

"So," Logan shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at her. "I came tonight, because I really wanted to see you."

Veronica couldn't let him know how happy she was to hear him say that, so she faked a cough to hide the way she sucked in her breath without meaning to. "Okay?"

"I should admit that Wallace and Mac both promised to try to get you to come."

"They're both dead to me now," Veronica said but she was laughing.

"I've missed you," Logan said softly.

"Logan….."

"Don't say anything, okay? 'Cause I know that soon, we're gonna run out of excuses to keep talking, to keep going off by ourselves, and you're gonna go get to know Shae, and the reunion will end, and you'll go back to your dad's and I'm gonna go home alone. I was gonna ask you to go to dinner, but you kind of ate already."

"I could eat again," Veronica piped up as the song changed again. This one was slower and Veronica wasn't sure she knew it.

"I like this song. Dance with me first?" Logan asked.

Veronica couldn't say no-didn't want to, if she was honest-so she nodded and let Logan wrap his arms around her. It should've felt miserable and constricting but instead it felt safe. He still smelled the same.

/I found a love for me

Darling just dive right in

And follow my lead

Well I found a girl beautiful and sweet

I never knew you were the someone waiting for me\\\

Veronica wondered what she was doing. She was letting Logan hold her, dance with her, his hands on her hips, the small of her back. She was resting her head on his shoulder, and she felt both comfortable and uncomfortable. The electricity that always coursed between them was still there.

/'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love

Not knowing what it was

I will not give you up this time

But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own

And in your eyes you're holding mine\\\

Logan twirled her around then and it was like they were in high school again. Veronica felt dizzy, not from the twirling or the vodka but the proximity to Logan. This was a mistake, this whole night was a mistake. She should've pulled away from him, out of his arms, and walked away.

But she couldn't, because this was the first time she'd felt like this in almost a decade. She'd been lying to herself about not missing it, not wanting it. Logan had a way of making her feel like she was in a protective cocoon and then smashing the cocoon five minutes later. She wanted to enjoy the safe feeling while it lasted.

/Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song

When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath

But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight\\\

Logan wondered how he could make this song, this moment last forever. He knew Veronica well and he didn't have to see her face to know she was plotting her escape plan. As soon as she could, she would wriggle out of his arms and run away, making an excuse they both knew was a lie.

Was it possible she didn't feel the same way about him?

He didn't think that could be it though. Her arms were wrapped tightly around him and she pressed her body against his as they moved. Veronica's pulse was racing, he could feel it.

/Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know

She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home

I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets

To carry love, to carry children of our own\\\

Logan heard Veronica mumble something against his shoulder. He thought it sounded like, "I've missed this" but he wouldn't let himself think that. He tried to stay focused on this dance and this song because he thought the minute it ended, she would be out of his arms and out the reunion and out of his life again.

Just like that.

Wasn't that how it always went with them? One step forward, ten steps back.

/We are still kids, but we're so in love

Fighting against all odds

I know we'll be alright this time

Darling, just hold my hand

Be my girl, I'll be your man

I see my future in your eyes\\\

Veronica liked this song too. She recognized it now, a song you heard waiting in line in stores and during trailers for romantic movies.

That's what this felt like. A movie. Girl meets boy. Girl leaves boy. Nine years later, boy asks girl to dance. Girl goes back to New York, brokenhearted all over again.

Veronica tried to pull herself away from Logan but she couldn't. It wasn't so much the way he was holding her so close to him as much as it was that she knew that once she did, the moment would be over and she wouldn't have anything left of him.

/Baby I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song

When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful

I don't deserve this, darling you look perfect tonight\\\

"Veronica," Logan whispered against her hair. She hadn't even realized he'd been tangling his hand in her hair the way he used to. He said something else she didn't quite hear and she pulled away to ask him to repeat it.

"Wha-" the minute she started to speak, his lips were on hers. Softly at first, and then he deepened the kiss. They were hungry for each other, all those years of anger and frustration and love and hate and lust were pent up in this moment.

"Your place," Veronica said breathlessly when the kiss was finally broken. She said it before either of them could make any smart decisions.

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

*Although it is NOT how this story started out, but I've decided that a BIG part of this story is going to be Logan and Veronica talking, because you know, _they don't_!*

**This story is canon ONLY through S3. I went completely rogue in regards to the movie because I'm doing my own thing and I can't handle S4 so that just never happened.**

***I know that in the movie, the reunion is (inexplicably) in January but I've decided the reunion takes in May of 2016, the reasons will make more sense as you read on.***

****I'll list all the songs used/mentioned at the end of the story!****


	3. Chapter Two

/Some people want it all

But I don't want nothing at all

If it ain't you baby

If I ain't got you baby

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

If I ain't got you, yeah\\\

-"If I Ain't Got You" - Alicia Keys

"Your place," Veronica said breathlessly when the kiss was finally broken. She said it before either of them could make any smart decisions.

Logan twirled her around again, then wrapped his arm around her and drew her close so she was right up next to him. He led her to a black BMW convertible and pulled out the keyfob, unlocking the doors.

"Why am I not surprised?" she said, getting in when he held the door for her.

"Surprised by what?" Logan started the car and put the radio on quietly.

"This is such a….manwhore car."

Logan laughed out loud. "A manwhore car, that's a new one. Haven't heard that before."

Veronica looked at him. "You got me, in this car, going to your place. See? Manwhore car."

"One, I didn't assume we were doing anything at my place other than talking, eating and looking at the beach," Logan turned the radio down so they could talk over it. "And two, you said you wanted to go to my place _before_ you saw the car."

The truth was, Veronica had wanted to go somewhere private with Logan the minute she saw him standing on the edge of the dance floor. But she wasn't going to tell him that so she just shook her head and looked at the city until she was sure he was looking at the road and she could glance back at him.

When she did, Logan was staring at her.

Logan reached his right hand over and laced his fingers with hers. "I've missed you."

Veronica had to turn away from him but she kept his hand in hers. "I missed you too."

"Is it that hard to say it to my face?"

Veronica should've pulled her hand away, but she didn't. She kept hold of him, because it would be over too soon as it was. "It's always hard."

They were silent for a few minutes. Veronica felt like the song playing was mocking her and speaking her mind-maybe Logan's too-and it made her shiver. Since when did Ryan Cabrera take up real estate in her head anyway?

/You don't know what you do  
Everytime you walk into the room  
I'm afraid to move

I'm weak, it's true  
I'm just scared to know the ending  
Do you see me too?  
Do you even know you met me?\\\

Logan cut in front of another car then, and the driver flipped him off. He pulled over on the side of the freeway and sighed. "Veronica."

She looked at him, still holding his hand, still alternating between wanting to slap him and fuck him right there on the spot.

"I wanna say something, before we do this."

/I know when I go  
I'll be on my way to you  
The way that's true

I've waited all my life to cross this line  
To the only thing that's true  
So I will not hide  
It's time to try anything to be with you  
All my life I've waited  
This is true\\\

A part of Veronica wanted to challenge him that she hadn't agreed to do anything yet except talk and eat, but they both knew exactly what they were going to do, possibly the minute they walked through the door. The song playing changed to one Veronica remembered from high school. The lyrics were about static and passion when they touched. Clearly, someone at Sirius XM had a cruel sense of humor.

Logan was waiting for her to say something, so she did. "So say it."

"I'm not the same person I was when you left for Stanford. I know you know that, but I needed to tell you anyway."

She had no idea where he was going with this. Oh my God, she thought. He could be married!

"Are you married?" she blurted out.

Logan laughed. "Of course not. Are you?"

"No! I'm not….I'm not seeing anyone right now."

"Me either. And I want us to try. Really try. To make this work as adults. Leave all the bullshit behind us and just see what happens."

He was making her head spin. She was glad the convertible's top was down because she needed air.

"I moved clear across the country," Veronica said quietly. "To get away from you. First chance I get, here I am."

"That's it?" Logan looked hurt.

"I don't know," she said quietly.

Logan let out a frustrated sigh. "Then I need to say this. When you leave this time-and I think we both know you're already planning your getaway-when you leave this time, I'm done."

She looked at him again. "Logan…."

"I've waited you know? All this time. I've waited for you to come back, to change your mind. I've waited to run into you somewhere random. I've picked up the phone and put it down."

Veronica didn't know what he wanted her to say to that.

"I was a mess when I showed up at Stanford. You didn't deserve that. I couldn't even drive home. I slept in my car in a Walmart parking lot until I was sober enough to drive. I was furious at you at the time but now I get it. You left to escape the crazy and all I did was bring it to your door."

"I shouldn't have called security on you."

"They just escorted me out. It was no big deal. They were pretty buzzed themselves."

"I'm sorry about that….." Veronica didn't know what she could say.

"I want you," he continued. "I wanna be with you. But if you take off again, I can't chase you. I can't leave you voicemails you won't answer. It's too hard."

For quite possibly the first time since their first kiss at the Camelot, Logan had made Veronica speechless.

Logan took her silence to mean she accepted it. He took his hand from hers, turned the music up, pulled back into traffic and drove to his house without saying another word.

Veronica snuck looks at him while he drove. Sometimes he was looking at her, sometimes his eyes were on the road. She listened to Mariah Carey sing about two people belonging together as she studied his features. One of the things she'd loved about Logan in high school was how at times he would look like a scared little boy. It reminded her that he might need her, like she needed him. Those chubby cheeks were gone now, replaced by sharp angles she longed to run her tongue against.

Veronica reached over and changed the radio to the next preset station. Logan glanced at her and she gave him a half shrug before changing it two more times-hip hop, hip hop, was that a news station?!-until she found one of the old boy band songs she and Lilly used to play. It seemed appropriate to listen to tonight, but as soon as the lyrics started she realized what a mistake it was. She should've stuck with Mariah.

/We both know that I shouldn't be here

This is wrong

And baby it's killing me, it's killing you

Both of us trying to be strong\\\

If she changed the station again now, she was letting Logan know how right he was about her. IF he knew this song. But he was there when she and Lilly used to watch TRL, eliciting complaints from both him and Duncan. He probably knew this song.

/It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion

When you start to cry\\\

Shit, she really should've stuck with the second hip hop song. A little cursing and encouragement of violence never hurt anyone, right?

She threw a glance in Logan's direction but he had his eyes on the road, both hands on the steering wheel. Maybe he was thinking too, and not listening to the music?

/I know that we'll meet again

Fate has a place and time

So you can get on with your life

I've got to be cruel to be kind

Like Dr. Zhivago

All my love I'll be sending

And you will never know

There can be no happy ending\\\

Logan changed the station then, back to where they had started. Rihanna. She could handle Rihanna. She wasn't even sure what this song was about or what "Pon de Replay" meant, but she could handle it easier than someone warbling about lost love, true love, broken love.

"Not a boy band fan?" she teased Logan when he glanced at her and found her staring.

"I've always been partial to NSYNC, you know that," he responded dryly.

Rihanna segued to Rob Thomas-or Matchbox 20, she was never sure which was which-and Veronica let out a quiet sigh and told herself to stop staring at Logan.

She forced herself to look at the water, the homes they passed, and blinked back the tears that threatened her eyes. Nine fucking years. She'd cost them a lot of time.

Not that she took full responsibility for what went on between them. She didn't. But she was the one who ran, who slammed the door on a possible reconciliation.

Veronica watched Logan slow down, approach a gate and enter a password into a keypad. It opened and she smirked at him.

"Hiding from the little people?"

"Hiding from the paparazzi and the vultures," he corrected. Logan drove almost to the end of the street and then veered right and drove about a block down before stopping in front of the garage attached to a gorgeous multi-level home.

"This is…..not what I pictured," Veronica said when they got out of his car. Logan's place sat high on one end of the beach, somewhat camouflaged by rocks. It was all large white brick and floor-to-ceiling windows.

"What were you picturing? Bongs and surfboards and harem girls dancing around?" Logan opened the door for her to enter first.

"To be fair, I do see a surfboard," she pointed to one leaning against the wall in the living room.

"I don't use that one. The ones I use are outside."

"Then why is it here?" Veronica walked over to it, ran a hand over the surface. Up close, she could see that it had a navy blue background with red, yellow and orange flames going up one side. The "embers" coming from the flames were tiny broken hearts.

"I made it," Logan said and she whipped her head around to look at him.

"I took a class a few years ago. I wanted to work with my hands," he shrugged.

"Why don't you ride it?"

Logan was quiet for a second, and he wasn't looking at her. "I don't wanna damage it."

Veronica decided to let that one go. She was letting a lot of things go tonight, and it was completely unlike her. Maybe it was the vodka. She walked to the windows that overlooked the beach and stared at the water for a minute. "It's kinda gorgeous here."

"You should see it as the sun rises," Logan mused. He was standing behind her now, his body right up against hers.

Veronica knew this was the moment where she would usually run. Where she probably should run.

Instead, she put her arms around Logan's neck and pulled him in for a kiss. "You'll have to show me that sunrise sometime," she said when they parted.

He arched an eyebrow. "Will I?"

"Yeah. But now you should probably show me the bedroom."

Logan grinned, then crushed his lips against hers. He spun her around the room as they kissed, the way he always did. Veronica ground her body against his and broke the kiss, panting. "Bedroom. Now."

"Easy, Bobcat," Logan smirked at her. He took her hand and led her to a staircase. "It's a split-level," he explained. Down the winding staircase was a wide hallway with three doorways and a patio doorwall at the end.

As they approached, Veronica could hear music playing. When Logan led her through the middle doorway, he told Alexa to turn the music down.

Logan's bedroom was huge, but pretty plain. Two dressers up against one wall, what she assumed was the closet on another, and the only thing in the room that didn't surprise her, the California king sized bed.

"Again, this is not how I pictured it," she told him.

"I should get a nightstand or something," he mused. "I set my phone on the floor at night."

Veronica was suddenly nervous. The song playing from an Echo she couldn't see was talking about listening to your heart. Hers was racing.

Logan wrapped his arms around Veronica's waist from behind, leaned his chin on her shoulder. "We can still get dinner if you want. Get something delivered?"

"After," she turned to face him. "I'm not hungry for food right now."

"What are you hungry for?" he leaned his forehead against hers and kissed the tip of her nose.

"You," Veronica initiated this kiss, fast and furious so she wouldn't let herself chicken out of it. They flung their clothing around the room as they undressed each other, and Veronica was reminded of why she wore skirts in high school. They were easier to get off than leggings.

She sat on the foot of his bed while he pulled off her shoes, then her leggings, then Logan gave her a Look before he started kissing his way up her leg.

This was bad. It was so bad. Logan had warned her that if she ran, this was it, but here she was, nearly naked and ready for him, already fighting her desire to bolt.

Veronica wanted this. She wanted him. But what was she gonna do tomorrow?

More of this, if she was lucky.

From the Echo, JoJo was singing about it being too little too late, but Veronica ignored it, told Alexa to skip that song, and laid back on the bed, letting Logan drive her mad the way he used to.

* * *

"Why are all these songs from high school?" Veronica asked. She and Logan were eating pizza on the patio, and there was another Echo Dot out there playing the same playlist they'd heard-well, heard some of-in the bedroom. One of the boy bands she didn't usually like was singing about being incomplete.

"I made a reunion playlist a few days ago, just thought it was funny actually," he shrugged. "Billboard Hot 100 for all four years. There were some really shitty songs when we were in high school."

"Such as?"

"Alexa, play 'Smack That!'," Logan said.

"That's a title? You can't be serious."

"Oh, I'm serious. This was a Billboard Hot 100 song."

After a minute Veronica made a face. "Oh, that's just awful. Alexa, skip this song in the playlist."

Logan noted that she'd told Alexa to skip a couple of other songs over the course of the night, but he didn't comment on it. Instead he tore the last cheesy stick in half and handed it to her.

"How do you know I want that?" she asked.

Logan grinned at her. "You're breathing."

Veronica took it from him and and took a bite. "You know me too well."

He was studying her, sitting there in one of his Navy tee shirts and nothing else.

"What?" she asked when she was finished with her stick and he was still staring.

"Don't do it," he whispered.

"Do what?"

"Run."

Veronica hated that he was in her head, that he knew her so well. But her life was in New York now. She wasn't even supposed to be here this weekend. And if she didn't go back…..

What? What if she didn't go back? She couldn't be a lawyer at some big time corporate firm? She'd have to rent a U-haul to drive all her shit back to Neptune? What if….

What if?

She set the crust she was nibbling at down and wiped her fingers on a napkin. "I'm still here, aren't I?"

"For how long?" Logan asked. His eyes looked pained and it killed Veronica that she might be the one to do the hurting, again, in their relationship.

"Do we have to decide that now?" she didn't know why she said "we" instead of "I" but she was sure Logan caught it.

He opened his mouth to say something, but then the song changed and he took a deep breath and grabbed her hand. "Dance with me? Then we can talk."

"I'm not ready to talk," she whispered, but they were already dancing under the moonlight. This had been their song, when they were happy for five minutes. Lifehouse. Logan had promised to take her to see them perform it live, before they started tearing at the threads of the relationship, her, then him, her, then him, until there was nothing left and she had to go.

/What day is it? And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive

I can't keep up and I can't back down

I've been losing so much time

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you\\\

Tears threatened Veronica's eyes. She buried her face against Logan's chest and felt him tighten his arms around her. The more ragged her sobs got, the closer he held her. Old!Veronica! would've never let anyone see her this exposed, but something inside her was shifting tonight, and she wasn't sure yet if it was a good thing or a bad thing?

/All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right

I'm tripping on words

You've got my head spinning

I don't know where to go from here

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you\\\

Logan loosened his grip around her just long enough to grab a napkin off the table and hand it to her. Veronica rubbed her eyes and blew her nose and buried her face in her hands, embarrassed. "Sorry I'm such a mess."

"You're beautiful," Logan whispered. He brushed the new tears from her eyes and gently kissed her lips.

/There's something about you now

I can't quite figure out

Everything she does is beautiful

Everything she does is right\\\

Their bodies were pressed right up against each other, their foreheads touching. Veronica ran her hands up and down Logan's bare arms and wondered what it might be like to do this whenever she wanted.

"When do you go back?" she asked him quietly. This was the first time they'd really discussed him being on leave, and when he would redeploy.

"Two weeks."

She felt the tears threaten to return and forced them back. "I'll stay 'til then," she promised him.

"You'll stay….."

"In Neptune."

Logan pulled back. "Stay here?" his eyes pleaded with her.

Her first thought was to say no, but staying there meant seeing Logan every morning, every night, as much as she wanted.

"Okay," she agreed, not quite sure what had happened to her brain in the past few hours.

"And after that?" Logan couldn't help himself, he had to know.

Veronica shrugged. "I have no fucking idea."

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

*I have thought of that Lifehouse song as Logan and Veronica's song since 2006 and that hasn't changed. It's just SO perfect.*

**I'll list all songs used/mentioned at the end of the story!**


	4. Chapter Three

/Every time I try to fly I fall

Without my wings

I feel so small

I guess I need you baby

And every time I see

You in my dreams

I see your face

It's haunting me

I guess I need you baby\\\

-"Everytime" - Britney Spears

"I know you have an opinion," it was the next day and Veronica had brought her father coffee and donuts to try and get out of explaining where she was all night. Veronica didn't really think she owed him an explanation-she was an adult! So she skirted the issue entirely and inhaled her donut in between telling him about Mac's rebound and Wallace's lovely fiancee that she talked to for all of thirty seconds. Then she told him she was taking a two-week "much needed" vacation.

"My old roommate Kara has no problem staying and watching Bob for the next two weeks. I think my shower is bigger than hers," Veronica shrugged. "Everything was just so stressful with school, and the bar, and this will let me decompress a little."

"And you're gonna stay here, right?" Keith looked at her over his coffee cup. He knew exactly what he was asking and she knew exactly what he was gonna say when he got her answer.

"Actually, I thought I might stay at Logan's beach house," Veronica got up and retrieved the sugar bowl from the counter, then busied herself with peeling a banana so she could avoid her dad's side eye.

"Logan's, huh? Were you at Logan's last night, too?"

"I don't have to answer that, I'm not a teenager anymore."

Keith laughed. "You didn't answer me honestly when you were a teenager."

Veronica's phone buzzed and she grabbed it, smiled at Logan's text, hurriedly texted him back. Keith watched this repeat for a few minutes, then Veronica stood up. "I'm gonna go out for a few hours, do you wanna have dinner later? I'll bring lasagna."

"If you're gonna butter me up with food by way of telling me that you're getting back together with Logan, it had better include cheesecake and garlic bread."

Did the words "back together" apply to the two of them? The King and Queen of On Again/Off Again?

Veronica decided to ignore the question all together. "Salted caramel cheesecake or chocolate?"

"Chocolate," Keith eyed her suspiciously.

Veronica kissed his cheek. "See you tonight. I'm bringing Logan."

She was out the door when Keith laughed. He knew there was a catch.

* * *

Veronica watched her father and…..whatever Logan was to her now have an actual adult conversation over dinner. She mostly kept quiet so they could talk about Logan's flying and Keith's latest cases. She had to admit she had a pang of jealousy when her dad talked about a few of the more interesting cases he'd worked lately. She pushed the pangs down and put garlic bread on top of them.

Veronica had done a lot of thinking this afternoon. Sure, Logan had provided plenty of fun distractions and commented that he didn't love his house being empty whenever he deployed. She was getting sucked into the cyclone that was Logan Echolls, and there was no way out.

At first, she had resigned herself to going back to New York when Logan deployed again. She thought having an end date in sight would be helpful, but it created a pit in her stomach that she didn't like.

Then she thought about being Logan's house sitter. She really wasn't sure what all had to be done in a house like that, but she'd figure it out while eating in Logan's kitchen and watching his tv and sleeping in his bed.

She thought about looking for a job near Neptune. She thought about working with her dad again. She thought about taking off while Logan was showering to go to her dad's, and she realized how utterly insane that was.

"Get it together, Veronica," she muttered to herself as she dressed comfortably in a striped top and jeans. She hadn't brought any skirts, she hadn't even brought enough clothing for more than a few days. She guessed she could dig some old things out while she was at her dad's.

And she did, while her dad and Logan were talking about baseball. She found that her high school clothes were all too tight or too pink or too something. She did find some pajamas she thought would fit, but then she'd have no excuse to wear Logan's clothes and she liked wearing his clothes. She shoved them back in the dresser and took a few tops she thought might fit, stuffed them in her old black studded bag and headed back to the living room. She guessed she could do some shopping the next day.

"Veronica, good, we need a referee," her dad said when she appeared.

"I already told you, I'm not choosing between the two flavors of cheesecake. It would be like Sophie's Choice."

"This is way more serious than cheesecake," Keith said. "Is baseball an Olympic sport? Yes or no?"

"No, they took it out a few years ago," Veronica sat down with them, a small piece of each cheesecake on her plate.

"No, we know that," Logan said, "The question is, _should_ it be an Olympic sport?"

"Well, if you think about the fact that PING PONG is an Olympic sport, then yes. But compared to people swimming and diving for eight hours a day, seven days a week to train for the Olympics, maybe not?"

Logan grinned and Keith looked like she'd shot him.

"You wound me," he feigned keeling over.

* * *

"I can't believe we're eating a healthy dinner. A _vegetarian_ dinner! Mac would freak." Veronica took the tray of stuffed zucchini out of the oven and set it on the burners next to the tray of tater tots she'd already taken out.

"Everything we're eating came out of the freezer," Logan pointed out. "So it's not that healthy."

It was their third night together and they were too lazy to go out or even go grocery shopping. Logan offered to have groceries delivered, and Veronica had rolled her eyes and started digging through the freezer drawer.

"I see no corndogs or cheesecake, so I'm calling it healthy," she popped a handful of peas in her mouth and shook her head. "Still frozen." she returned them to the microwave and took the iced tea she'd made earlier that day out of the fridge.

Logan's phone made noise as the microwave beeped and he groaned.

"What?" Veronica asked, then immediately worried that she shouldn't have asked that. She was still bouncing between keeping her distance and going all in with whatever this was between them.

"I have a training in the morning. Some last minute thing. It's only for a few hours."

"Don't worry about it," Veronica put the peas and carrots on the table and sat down. "Wallace wanted to meet for lunch, I can see if he can do breakfast instead."

"He doesn't have a lot of free periods in the morning."

Veronica looked at him strangely.

"What?"

"I'm just…..not used to you guys being friends."

Logan smirked. "It bothers you?"

"No, of course not! It's just…..he didn't tell me you guys were tight."

"I asked him not to."

Veronica chewed her food and wondered if she should press that issue. "Why not?" she finally asked.

"I didn't want us getting along to be the reason you came back."

"You wanted me to come back just for your abs?" she teased.

"You always did want me for my body."

"And your modesty."

"Don't forget my charm, wit, intellect-"

"Ego the size of Hogwarts."

"Tatoonine."

Veronica blinked. "What?"

"I think Tatooine is probably a lot bigger than Hogwarts. So my ego is the size of Tatooine."

Veronica groaned. "I forgot about your obsession with Star Wars."

"Some things from childhood get hardwired." he shrugged.

"Nothing from my childhood stuck."

Logan looked at her like she was crazy. "You've got to be kidding me."

"What?"

"As a kid you were obsessed with photography, nosy as a church lady and could eat an entire container of ice cream for dinner."

"So?"

"So you're still all those things. I saw the empty ice cream container on the counter yesterday."

"It wasn't full and I didn't eat it for dinner, it was after breakfast."

Logan smiled at her. "Just because I don't have all the dots connected doesn't mean I don't know you."

"What dots aren't connected?"

"You really don't have a car?"

"No one in New York has a car," she refilled her glass of tea. "What's with the surfboard you don't ride?"

Logan hesitated. "I kind of made it as a type of therapy. I was trying to get past something."

They were quiet for a minute while Veronica put two and two together. The flames, the tiny dissipating hearts, he'd made it to get over her.

"Any other hobbies I should know about?" she finally asked.

"Just fantasy football. I won ten grand last year."

Veronica's jaw dropped. "On a fake football game with a fake team?"

"Yes. I donated it anonymously to the VA."

"That was nice of you."

Logan shrugged. "How'd you wind up with a cat instead of a dog?"

"It's hard to have a dog in an apartment, especially with New York winters. And cats are quieter, so they don't bother your neighbors. What's with the huge bookshelf in the hall downstairs?"

"I like to read."

"I know, I was just surprised. It's a lot of classics. And a shelf of Star Wars books," she rolled her eyes.

"There's probably a few old video game cheat code books there, too."

"Your favorite game still Grand Theft Auto?"

He shook his head. "Metal Gear Solid. Why did you switch from joining the FBI to being a lawyer?"

"Bringing out the big guns. You couldn't have asked me about my favorite movie?"

"Okay, what's your favorite movie?" Logan reached over her for the pepper.

"Seriously?"

"It was your question."

"You know what my favorite movie is." _Or at least you should_, she thought to herself.

"It's still _The Big Lebowski_?"

"Isn't yours still _Easy Rider_?"

He smirked at her. "Of course it is. You still hate Payday bars?"

"Candy should never not have chocolate."

"What about Good and Plenty? Dots, Mike and Ike, Jujubes?"

"Okay, candy _bars_ should never not have chocolate," she stole a tater tot off his plate.

"Excuse me, did I say I didn't want that?"

"No, but mine were all gone and I didn't wanna get up and get more."

"Favorite band?" he was enjoying this game.

"Hmmmm, it changes a lot….Imagine Dragons I guess."

Logan arched an eyebrow. "You're over Adam Levine then?"

"I was never _into _Adam Levine, I just liked a couple of their first albums. They've lost their way. He's lost his way! He's platinum blonde now!"

Logan laughed. "I seem to remember you and Lilly were obsessed with him. How many times did you guys go see them?"

"We went….a couple times."

"Five," Logan said.

"Okay, fine, we went to see them five times. And they were great all five times."

"It was the same tour! You went three nights in a row to the same venue."

"The last night, Lilly's dad got us into the orchestra pit by security. My neck hurt so bad the next day from looking up at hi-at the band."

Logan laughed. "I've never been so sick of a song in my life as I was of 'This Love'. I still can't listen to it."

"We've gotten off topic," Veronica stole another one of Logan's tater tots. "Please tell me you've moved beyond the Barenaked Ladies."

"One of their lead singers quit and they're still amazing."

"That's a defense?"

"They're awesome."

"There's no way you were as sick of 'This Love' as Lilly and I were of 'One Week'."

"I remember Duncan stopped buying their CDs and finally just kept burning copies of mine because every time he went to play his, Lilly had either cracked it, scratched it or burned it with a lighter."

Veronica laughed. "So it was you guys who ruined the CD industry."

"Do you think she'd be happy for us?" Logan asked. It was something he thought about, from time to time. Especially when he and Veronica were apart in high school, he would let himself wonder for a second if Lilly was the one keeping them apart, then he would tell himself that was ridiculous, that the dead didn't have that kind of power.

"She'd be happy about all the sex we're having," Veronica joked. "She always said orgasms were better than breathing."

"Veronica. I'm being serious."

She reached across the table for his hand. "I stopped feeling guilty about wanting you in high school."

"So did I," he admitted. "But that's not a yes."

"Then yes, I do think she would be happy for us."

"Me too," he decided.

"Seriously though," Veronica stole a third tater tot from him. "Barenaked Ladies?"

Logan grinned. "Alexa, play 'One Week'."

Veronica groaned as the song started up and Logan sang along. Halfway through, she got up to get more tater tots for herself-she'd finished Logan's-and he pulled her into his lap and told Alexa to pause.

"Do you know what was ten years ago today?"

"A lot of things," she teased. She knew exactly what it was. Alterna-prom.

Logan leaned his forehead against hers. "I lied to you."

"About?"

"The next morning. I told you I didn't remember the night before. I lied to you."

Veronica kissed him until they were both breathless. She stayed right next to him though, her hands at the nape of his neck.

"I think I always knew that, but thank you for telling me."

"It's true," he whispered. "Our story, it's epic."

Veronica thought briefly about the years and the continents and the ruined lives. She thought about how the first time Logan told her that, she ran for the hills and it cost them time. That one was on _her_.

She kissed Logan again, moving her legs so that she was straddling his lap. She wasn't running this time.

* * *

Four days into their blissful reunion, Veronica found herself in a deeper discussion about the past nine years. They were sitting on the living room couch drinking coffee and watching old cartoons.

"I have a kids list on Netflix," Logan had explained. "It reminds me of Saturday mornings at Duncan's house."

_Animaniacs_ and _Tiny Toons_ in the background, they talked about Duncan, which had led to talking about Lilly, which led to where they were now.

"How many girlfriends have you had since I left?" Veronica was still sleeping in Logan's clothes-she had one of his Star Wars tees on this morning-so she figured that level of intimacy granted her the right to know.

"Actual girlfriends or dates or-"

"Girlfriends," she cut him off before he could say hookups. She didn't wanna go there.

"Three. You?"

"We'll get to me in a second. You only had three girlfriends in nine years?"

"Actual girlfriends? Yes, three. All of them dumped me less than a year in. I had dates, but just the three that I thought might…..I'm glad they didn't." He smiled at her behind his mug. "And I spend an awful lot of time on a ship surrounded by hairy guys. Your turn."

Veronica grinned at him. "I didn't have any girlfriends."

"Damn, that might have been hot."

"Four boyfriends, the last ended a year ago. I always used school as an excuse to get out." She shrugged.

"One more thing," Logan said quietly.

Veronica braced herself. "Okay."

"I just want you to know…..I never brought any of the girlfriends here. Any girls here. At all."

Veronica stretched her leg out and ran her foot across his leg. "Why not?"

'This house…." he didn't quite look at her. "I bought it for us."

If there had been any doubt that Veronica was going to stay in Neptune after he left, it was gone now. She set her mug on the coffee table, crawled across the couch to him and made her final decision. She wanted this to work and for the first time, she was willing to fight for it.


	5. Chapter Four

/Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills my mind

I somehow find

You and I collide\\\

-"Collide" - Howie Day

Six days in, Veronica did something stupid that she immediately felt guilty for.

She picked a fight with Logan over doing her laundry.

She stood in the kitchen, holding some of her clothes, fresh from the dryer, screaming at Logan for _how_ he washed them.

"You can't put a bra in the dryer," she tossed it in his direction and he smirked when it flew past his head. "It ruins the underwire.

"What underwire?" he joked so she started throwing panties at him.

When her arms were empty, Logan stepped around the clothes and approached her. She didn't back up so he wrapped his arms around her.

"We don't have enough time," she whispered against his chest.

"What would be enough?"

_Nine years_, she wanted to say. "Logan, come on."

"Sorry I ruined your bra."

"You didn't, really, I'm just….." her voice dropped back to a whisper. "It's almost half over"

"I know."

"I'm getting spoiled. By you, by us. And I guess I just kinda freaked out. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

She wanted to tell him that she would miss him, that they shouldn't have to be separated when they've already been apart for so long.

But she was afraid that would make her cry, which might make her pick another fight, so she just let him hold her until the toaster oven beeped. Veronica pulled away and grabbed the oven mitts. "You're gonna love these."

"What are they called again?"

"Tachos. Tater-tot nachos."

They sat at the table with the dish between them and each dug in with a fork.

"You're right," Logan said after a few bites. "I love this."

Veronica knew he meant sitting there with her more than he meant the food. She smiled at him and stuffed her face. "Me too," she told him in between bites.

* * *

Halfway through their days of bliss, Logan thought they should have a Talk.

"Okay," she handed him a coffee. "Let's talk."

"Not here. Out somewhere. Pedal boating, maybe."

"Pedal boating? Seriously?"

"If we're busy peddling, we can't get….distracted and then we'll talk."

"What do you wanna talk about, anyway?" Veronica asked, even though she knew.

"You. Me. Us."

"What's to talk about?"

Logan tried not to look hurt. "Is there a reason you don't wanna talk about us?"

Veronica looked at him in his black tee and jeans. "It's not that I don't wanna talk about us, it's that I don't wanna _talk_."

She set her coffee down and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him to her for a kiss. After a minute he pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers.

"See? This is why we should go pedal boating."

"Because I find you irresistible?"

"Because everytime we're going to talk, we have sex instead."

"And you're complaining about this?"

"Not at all. I just think…..I have things I wanna say without you interrupting me with your feminine wiles."

Veronica groaned. "Did you just hear yourself?"

Logan kissed the tip of her nose. "I'll go set it up. Grab flip flops. You don't wanna get your shoes wet."

* * *

"You found pedal boats that are shape like swans?" Veronica was giving Logan her "are you crazy?" look, but he just grinned at her and grabbed the life vests that the instructor offered them.

"Be sure to apply sunscreen throughout your time on the water," the instructor advised. "And if you get stuck, you can call for help with the radio."

Veronica tuned out most of the rest of the safety instruction. She planned on letting Logan do most of the work, anyway. They bought snacks and waters from the little shop on the dock and then headed out to their swan.

"We got number nine," Logan said. "I think that's a sign."

Veronica rolled her eyes and threw a Frito at him. "Your cheese level has hit new highs and it's not even noon."

"You like me cheesy," Logan stowed their drinks in the small cooler on the boat and then helped Veronica on.

She eyed the pedals and looked at Logan suspiciously. "You rented this thing for the whole day?"

"I just didn't wanna be on someone else's schedule," he shrugged. "And I thought we might wanna leave for a few hours and then come back tonight. They're all lit up then, and there's lights in the water."

"Dork," Veronica said, but she was laughing. "How does this work?"

"Just like riding a bike."

Veronica adjusted her seat forward-being short sucked-and after a few minutes, the boat was actually moving away from the dock. They pedaled out a ways and stopped to rest and have a snack.

"The things I wanted to talk about," Logan began, "There's just a lot you don't know anymore. About me, my life…."

"You're not gonna tell me you actually _are_ Batman, are you? 'Cause that'll ruin my fun of calling your car the Batmobile."

"Speaking of that," Logan pulled a set of keys out of his pocket. "House keys, car keys. I want you to keep my car while I'm gone."

"Logan, I can't do that."

"You can, actually. I even called the insurance company. It's fine."

Veronica didn't think she'd actually drive it, but she thanked him anyway.

"After you left, I was a mess for awhile. You know this. I was blowing through money faster than…..it was bad," he shook his head. "Once I grew up, got myself together, I stopped living off my inheritance and started working for a living. Not just the '09er, I have other other investments, too. Between my parents' money and my trust fund, and the residuals…..there's a lot of money, Veronica, and I know you know that, but I just…..I wanted you to know that it's not a big deal. The house, the BMW, an all day boat rental, it's nothing. There's a ridiculous amount of money, Aaron's money." he shrugged. "I kind of like spending it now."

"I get that."

"So what I really wanted to talk about, is you staying in the house while I'm gone."

"For six months? Logan, I can't do that."

"Sure you can. It can't sit empty for six months and I'm not asking Dick. Ever. And last time I asked Heather to do it, but she's doing a semester abroad so-"

"Wait, Heather? Little girl in the elevator at the Grand, Heather?"

Logan nodded. "We're still friends. I pay for her school, her car." he shrugged. "She's a good kid. Really smart. She's going to France to study cooking. I think she's gonna try to be a pastry chef or something. I told her if she wants to open a bakery, I'll invest."

"My head is spinning," Veronica opened a water and drank half of it. "Isn't Heather's family rich?"

"Her parents were, her dad made some bad investments or something, and her mom took off. She doesn't talk about it and I don't ask. But I know they're estranged and she needed someone to look out for her, you know? I get that."

Veronica felt a knot form in her stomach. How many times in the past had Logan needed her and she'd brushed him off?

"Anyway, she's not available and I figured, you should just stay in the house."

"I have a place in New York," Veronica said.

"So sublet it."

"And a cat."

"I've always wanted a pet."

"Logan."

"Veronica, this isn't gonna work between us if we don't try, right? And it's not gonna work if we're not completely honest with each other, all the time. Right?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "Right," she finally admitted.

"So will you at least think about staying in my house while I'm gone?"

"I haven't even figured out what I'm doing after you leave," she said.

"But will you at least think about it?" she hesitated and Logan added, "Total honesty?"

"I'll think about it, but no promises." she climbed out of her seat and into his lap. "It's not gonna be easy," she whispered.

"What?"

"Not running from you."

"You've done okay this week," he said quietly.

It was true, she had, and it had been a lot easier than she'd expected. It had been amazing. But a tiny part of her wondered if it was like her mind just thought she was on vacation, and after two weeks, would it be time to go back to New York?

Sitting here in the sun, floating in a swan-shaped boat, Veronica didn't think anything about New York was as appealing as this was. And the Big Apple, for all its charms, was missing one significant thing.

Logan.

"Total honesty?" she asked him a few minutes later.

"Lay it on me."

"I don't know if I wanna go back to New York, or if I wanna stay in your house, but no matter what, I don't wanna lose you again."

"If you stay," Logan kissed her forehead gently, "It'll be _our_ house."

"Okay, Romeo," Veronica climbed out of his arms and back to her own seat. "Let's get moving again before you get cheesier than a Nicholas Sparks movie."

"You love Nicholas Sparks movies."

"I love mocking them," she corrected.

* * *

"If I stay, you have to fire your cleaning lady," they were getting ready for bed that night when Veronica brought up her staying there. She'd been thinking about it off and on all day. "I don't want her to lose her job on my account."

"Why would I need to fire Casia? She's like a ninja, I almost never hear her or see her. I only know she's been here when everything's put away and there's fresh vegetables on the counter. Her mother has a huge garden."

"You'd need to fire her because I can clean this place. You'd be wasting money to pay someone."

"It's not a waste because she needs the job, and if she keeps her job, you can do something you want to do. Or nothing. That's up to you," Logan kissed the tip of her nose as he walked past her. "It doesn't have to be complicated, Veronica."

She wanted to protest but wasn't sure what her argument was. "What exactly does Casia do around here?"

"Dust, straighten up, laundry, dishes if there are any. She brings the aforementioned veggies from her mother and sometimes different things she cooks for her family. Her hash brown patties are insanely good. And her peanut butter fudge. Occasionally she makes dinner but I usually just tell her to go home early."

"I'm capable of doing all those things, you know."

"I know," he called from the bathroom. "But I don't want to fire her and she doesn't wanna lose the job. She's studying to be a special ed teacher. And like I said," he came back into the bedroom. "You'll never know she's here."

"I doubt that."

"Did you see her yesterday?" Logan asked.

"No."

He grinned. "She was here all day. Told you she's a ninja."

"How do you know she was here if you didn't see her?"

"Dishes were done, clean sheets on the bed, fresh towels in the closet, cucumbers on the counter and she mopped the floors too."

"If I stayed here, and drove your car, and had a maid, I'd feel like….."

"An '09er?" he teased.

"A kept woman."

"You would be a kept woman," Logan teased. "A woman I'm keeping in my bed."

"But-"

He grabbed her around the waist and tossed her on the bed, bouncing down next to her. "You promised you'd think about it."

"And I am, I'm just….." her voice trailed off as Logan started kissing her neck. He pushed the straps of her tank top down, kissing the exposed skin,

"Everytime we try to talk, you distract me," she mumbled.

"I thought you were the one who distracted me with sex," Logan teased.

"Wait," she pushed him off her and scooted off the bed. "I need space to say this."

"Okay," Logan sat up and looked at her expectantly.

"The offer to stay in your house and drive your car is incredibly generous and, in keeping with that whole total honesty thing, a bit of a turn on," her cheeks flushed a bit but she kept talking. "I promised you I'd think about it, and I have, a little, but the idea of staying here with you paying for everything is kind of dizzying. I don't want to feel like I'm playing Ana Steele to your Christian Grey."

Logan laughed. "I'm incredibly impressed that you know the character's names since I'm willing to bet good money that you've never actually read _Fifty Shades of Grey_."

Veronica crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at him. "Have _you_ read _Fifty Shades of Grey_?"

"I've heard passages of the books read aloud-no one says 'holy crow' that much-and I did see the movie," he shrugged.

"Hot date?" she tried to sound like she was teasing but she was dying to know the details.

"No, both occurred on deployments. The guys are always passing around porn, they had the books, you can figure out the rest. And then the movie…..studios send screener copies all the time as a courtesy to the military."

"And what did you think of the movie?"

"Most of it was terrible, but I don't think I'm their target audience, either. A few of the females actually cried at the end."

"Well, she does leave him," Veronica said.

"A-ha!" Logan pointed at her, laughing. "You have seen the movie!"

"It was mid-winter break, Mac came to visit, we were both single and mopey around Valentine's Day and it was the only movie that wasn't sold out," she shrugged. "We mostly mocked the whole thing."

Logan arched an eyebrow. "Mostly?"

"I don't understand why she let him hit her!" Veronica noticed Logan watching her and rolled her eyes. "You're way too interested in this."

Logan swung his legs around and walked over to her. "I don't want to control you," he said quietly. "I know I could never do that, anyway. You would never give up as much of yourself as Ana did. And I wouldn't want you to. But, I do wanna protect you. I just figured if you stayed here, used my car, it would allow you to save money while you figured out your next step. You know, if you chose to stay in Neptune."

Veronica pulled him closer and rested her head against his chest. "I'm thinking about it, I promise."

"That's enough for now," he kissed her hair. "Let's go to bed."

Veronica yawned. "You mean you want to actually sleep?"

"I never said that, but if you're tired, absolutely, let's sleep."


	6. Chapter Five

/How long before I get in?

Before it starts, before I begin?

How long before you decide?

Before I know what it feels like?

Where to, where do I go?

If you never try, then you'll never know

How long do I have to climb

Up on the side of this mountain of mine?\\\

-"Speed of Sound", Coldplay

"What's different now?" Logan asked. They were watching one of the Hangover movies in the living room and throwing popcorn at each other.

"Different about what?"

"You. Me. Us. This," he waved his hand around and popped a few kernels in his mouth. "I just….we're exactly the same and completely different. You're here. And I guess I just…..I was wondering…..what changed, exactly?"

"Lots of things," she tucked her feet under her and turned more so that she was facing him instead of the television.

"I blamed you for everything, for a lot of years." Veronica knotted her hands as she spoke. She noticed a dropped-or thrown-piece of popcorn on the couch and picked it up, moving it from hand to hand. "And somewhere along the line, a little bit of me realized that it wasn't just you. And I always….there were times it would just hit me. A song on the radio or a guy in an orange shirt, something, and I'd get so mad at myself, mad at you. And then I'd push that away and tell myself that I was better off."

Logan was watching her carefully, silently. Veronica glanced up at him and then went back to staring at the popcorn.

"I think…..no I know. The only reason I really let Mac drag me to that reunion is because I was hoping that I'd see you. And then when I did…..I tried to tell myself that it didn't mean anything, or it wouldn't be anything, but that didn't work. Being with you again….."

Veronica wasn't going to tell him her first thought, which was that it was like being home. She ignored the voice in her head reminding her of the whole total honesty thing and sighed. "I haven't felt like this since the summer before Hearst," is what she finally said.

"Me either," Logan said quietly.

She gave him a small smile. "I don't wanna lose this. It's like…...fire between us. When we were in high school, your desire for me…..it was too much. I felt claustrophobic sometimes. I tolerate it now."

Logan groaned. "V'ronica," his voice was low as he leaned closer to her. He took his hand and brushed his fingers against her cheek. She leaned into his touch and Logan drug his fingers down her neck, across her shoulder and lightly caressed her breast. When she moaned quietly, he pulled his hand away. Her eyes sprang open and she looked at him, questioning.

"You don't tolerate it now, Veronica, you surrender to it."

He watched her face to see if she would freak out, run out of the room, start screaming at him.

Instead she hugged her knees to her chest and reached for her mug, took a sip of her coffee. It was cold. "I wanna ask you something. You don't have to answer it."

"We agreed on total honesty, remember? Ask me anything."

She stared at her hands for a minute. "When you were with other girls, was it—"

"_No_," Logan answered immediately. "I only have that with you."

"Before, with others…..with Duncan," she shook her head, sorry that she mentioned him, but Logan didn't seem to react so she went on. "It wasn't…..the same. And I thought maybe that I was the problem," she said quietly. She sipped her coffee again and Logan took it from her and took her hands in his.

"I love when you're like this."

She threw the popcorn she was still holding at him. "Embarrassed and self-conscious?"

"Vulnerable," he kissed her hands. "Honest, open."

Veronica almost said, "I can't blow this again," but thought better of it and instead said, "I want this to work between us."

"It is," he said quietly. "Isn't it?"

"Yes, absolutely." She stretched her legs out over Logan's lap and shook one of her hands free from his so she could run it through his short hair. "You wanna hear the thing that scares me the most?"

Logan knew what it was but he nodded anyway.

"In the past, I pushed you away, let you go, closed myself off from you, ran away, it was always me. Even when you ended things when we were at Hearst, it was really me. I always made the choice," she picked up one of the throw pillows and played with its tassel. "Now I'm terrified that something else will separate us."

Logan let out the breath he'd been holding. "That's always an option, Veronica."

"I know, and I don't want you to think I don't want you to do what you love and that I'm not extremely proud of you, because I do, and I am. I just wanted you to know that I'm scared."

He pulled her closer so that she was sitting on his lap, her arms around him and her face buried in his chest. "I'm not," he finally said. "I could be pretty careless for awhile. I've got that out of my system, I promise. Being separated for the next six months is going to suck. But when I wake up on that ship each day, I'll be one day closer to coming home to you. Having someone waiting for you…" he shrugged. "It changes things."

Veronica pushed all the images of Logan coming home to an empty house, no one waiting for him at the airport when he got off the plane, out of her head. She put her hands on his face and kissed him softly. "I love you," she whispered.

He grinned at her. "I know."

She rolled her eyes and pushed away from him. "Star Wars dork."

* * *

Why does time pass so quickly? Veronica didn't know where the last eleven days had gone. She was running out of time with Logan, and she was panicking.

He'd made plans for them to have dinner with Wallace and Shae that night. They were going out because, as Logan pointed out, they had only left his house when she or they were spending time with her dad.

"We need fresh air," he teased her.

"And food we haven't had delivered or microwaved?" she giggled.

"Hey, I cooked a couple times!"

"You cooked once. And made breakfast."

"It still counts. Wallace suggested Mexican for tonight." Logan was scrolling through his phone. "Sound good?"

"It does," Veronica came out of the bathroom in a red sundress that she'd bought while Logan and her dad went to a baseball game. Logan had suggested it as a bonding opportunity for the two of them and she'd figured it was a good time to get some clothing that wasn't leggings and tee shirts.

"Wow," Logan leaned against his closet door and stared at her.

"That bad, huh?"

"Where have you been hiding that dress and why didn't you put it on hours ago?"

"I was saving it for a special occasion."

"I understand," Logan walked over and ran his hands from her shoulders to her hands. "But now I have to wait until tonight to help you out of it."

"Anticipation…" Veronica teased. "Come on, we're gonna be late."

* * *

The last night before Logan deployed, Veronica wanted to cook for him but they had food delivered so they wouldn't waste valuable time chopping vegetables and doing dishes. While sharing an ice cream sundae for dessert, Veronica told Logan she had something important to tell him.

He looked like he was bracing himself. "Lay it on me."

"I am going back to New York in a few days," she began, and she could see him trying to hide his disappointment.

"I just have so much to do," she went on. "I have to pack, and I have to find someone to sublet my dive apartment, and I need to rent a U-haul and get a crate for Bob and-"

"Wait, what?" Logan put his spoon down. "Are you moving? Here? To Neptune?!"

"That all depends on if you want a roommate."

"I do," he said almost immediately.

"Good. I hope Bob likes you."

"Everyone likes me." he grinned.

"There's that Echolls modesty I fell in love with." the words were out before she could stop herself. She looked at Logan to see what his reaction would be.

He practically flew out of his chair and scooped her up in his arms.

"I love you too," he mumbled into her hair. Then he carried her, squealing, down into the bedroom.

* * *

"I got you something," it was five am and they were sitting on the back porch, watching the waves. Logan was dressed to leave and she was still wearing one of his shirts to sleep in, a hoodie of his pulled over it. She was leaning against him and turned around to see what he had.

"You didn't have to get me anything," she kissed him gently, slowly, knowing how dangerously close it was to being the last kiss for 180 days.

After two solid weeks of lying in his arms, kissing him, screaming at him, making love, it seemed like forever.

Six months, it _was_ forever.

If a week was like a month, what did that make six months?!

Logan had said, more than once, that it was nothing compared to nine years. He was right, but it still felt monumental, devastating, catastrophic, because it was _now_.

"It's just something small," Logan pulled a small box from under the chaise lounger they were sitting on. "Open it."

Veronica tore into it like a child on Christmas morning. It was a small page-a-day calendar that had clearly been custom made. The top page was that day's date, with the number 180 on it, and an inspirational quote. Veronica paged through it and saw that each day had either a quote or a few song lyrics, and the days counted down until they would be reunited, the week before Thanksgiving.

Tears flooded her eyes as she nestled against his chest. Logan took that to mean that she loved it and kissed the top of her head.

"Sorry," she turned away from him and rubbed at her eyes with her left hand. Her right hand was still holding the calendar, so tightly that her hand was starting to hurt.

"Don't be sorry," Logan pulled her back against him and she thought he sounded like his voice might be breaking. "I'm sad too."

That only made her cry harder, and he was sorry he'd admitted it. He held her while she sobbed, realizing that there was nine years, maybe even twelve or sixteen years, of pent up frustration and hurt and anger in those tears.

"Okay, I'm done now," Veronica pulled back, rubbed her eyes furiously. She lifted Logan's wrist to check his watch. His cab would be there in twenty minutes. He wanted to take a cab and she was secretly relieved. She wasn't up for a public goodbye, especially with the way she'd been unable to control her crying like a teenager who didn't get to go to prom.

"You wrote the address down, right?" she blinked again, hoping she wouldn't start crying again. "So I can send you things?"

"Yes, it's on the fridge."

"You're sure? 'Cause I've asked you three times before and you-"

"It's on the fridge, I promise. You're flying out Thursday?" Logan wanted to distract her.

"Yeah, I get into JFK around seven Eastern time."

"I'll try to Skype around midnight your time, make sure you got in okay."

Veronica felt her tears threaten to return so she just nodded. She let him hold her for a few more minutes, and then she kissed him, hard, because it was the last kiss for six months.

"When I get home," Logan said when they were both out of breath. "I think we should decorate this place for Christmas."

"Before Thanksgiving?" Veronica said incredulously.

Logan nodded. "I think it should be a tradition. Buy everything before it goes on sale and just light this place up like an amusement park."

At his use of the word "tradition", Veronica felt a lot of things. Happiness, excitement, hope, love.

Old!Veronica! would've been afraid. Old!Veronica! would've run for the hills.

This Veronica was different. She'd made up her mind that first night, well morning really, here with Logan that she had run for long enough, ran from him for too many years. He was a different person than the guy she'd run from, and so was she. And _this _Veronica wanted to make it work.

"We should hang some lights on some of the rocks," she suggested. "Like a crazy tree type of thing."

"Flashing lights," Logan said. "Maybe color changing?"

They were still planning their holiday decorations when the cab honked its arrival. Veronica followed Logan inside, watched him grab his bag, check to make sure he had everything. She kissed him and told him, just barely above a whisper, that she loved him.

Then she stood in the doorway and watched him do the leaving this time. She was still standing there long after the cab pulled away.


End file.
